Bruises of the Heart Page 6

  "Do you think two people who are from different backgrounds can fit eventually?" I ventured to ask.

  "Yes, but a lot of times it takes some work. From what I've learned watching my friends and family, it helps a lot if you have some base, a starting point, something that the two of you both like to do or have an interest in. It helps keep you together when things get a little rocky."

  I nodded my head and she sat looking at me. I wasn't sure what was going through her head at that moment, but I didn't want her to tell me whatever she was thinking about. I got up from the couch and said goodnight.

  Once I was in my room, I changed my clothes and tried to finish my homework. Mom's words kept distracting me. I wasn't sure if they were helpful, but they'd definitely given me something to think about. Maybe too much.

  I already knew Noah fit in here. I had really gotten to know him when he had been helping my grandfather one summer. We had always known each other, but that had been the summer we had started dating. And then, of course, he'd broken my heart into a million pieces. I wasn't even sure that all the pieces fit back together. I knew, although I was mentally fighting it, that Will would never really fit in here. That had been amply demonstrated in the barn.

  So the question now was, what would I do with all of this newfound knowledge?

  Chapter Seven

  I was walking down the hall at school when suddenly I felt a cold chill run up my spine. Standing at the end of the hallway was someone wearing a black hoodie with the hood up. I stopped, and was buffeted by the other bodies in the hallway as they hurried to class.

  As I stood there, he raised his head and looked directly at me. I saw the red glowing eyes staring out from the hood. I tried to open my mouth to scream, but I was frozen in place.

  He started prowling down the hallway like a panther stalking his prey. I turned and tried to run away, but my feet felt like they were caught in mud, sucking me down.

  "No! Stay away from me!"

  I looked toward the end of the hall and caught sight of Noah. He smiled and waved at me, beckoning me to hurry. I tried to get to him. I knew he would be able to help me if only I could get to him — my sanctuary.

  I got within reach, and suddenly I was falling through the air. I couldn't catch hold of anything, but I could see flashes as I flipped through the air.

  I woke up drenched in sweat, barely containing a scream. My heart felt as if it was going to leap from my chest and my breath was coming in gasps. It took me a moment to realize I was in my own bed and there was no hooded man or creature trying to get at me. It was too early to get up, so I settled for trying to make some sense out of the return of my scary dreams. It was impossible to decipher any meaning from the fragments I could remember, and I wasn't sure I wanted to look closely at those.

  The day dawned beautiful. On any other day I might appreciate it more, but I was tired and grouchy and definitely not in the mood to look at the sunrise. I dragged myself to the bathroom and got ready for school.

  I was in a marginally better mood by the time I climbed into Tara's car, but I wasn't ready for her chipper mood. "Oh my goodness! Tell me everything. I need every detail. What did he say? Where did he give it to you? Did he look all gushy and in love?" She was spitting the questions out at me faster than my brain would work.

  I told her the bare minimum to satisfy her unending need for gossip. Luckily, we arrived at school before she could commence her dissection of everything.

  "Hey, beautiful. How was your night?" Will asked from where he stood next to my locker, waiting for me.

  "It was good. How was yours?" I asked, hoping he would just talk.

  He took my hand and we walked to our first class. I felt like the locket resting on my chest was throwing shafts of light around the hallway and I kept looking around to see if anyone had noticed. No one was acting any different, of course — it was all just in my head.

  I was barely aware of time passing. First period was over and I moved on to second period with Tara chattering away in my ear and Will holding my hand. I remained silent even after sitting down in my seat.

  Glancing around the room, I noticed Noah was looking at me. I held his gaze for a minute before looking away from him. I felt very unsettled, and I tried to convince the voice it was just all of the thinking I had been doing recently. It had nothing at all to do with my relationship, because everything there was just fine. If I wasn't careful, I would soon be talking out loud to the voice in my head and then I would really get some strange looks.

  There was nothing unusual about the rest of the morning, which was good for me since I had enough to occupy my mind. My mom was right. I did over-think things just like she did. Maybe that magical prince would make an appearance sometime soon, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

  "All right, ladies, take a seat and settle down. The school board has decided the female students in ninth through twelfth grades are going to receive instruction concerning dating violence and abuse," Mrs. Stevens, the P.E. teacher, stated at the beginning of class. "In their infinite wisdom, this new instruction has been assigned to me. So pay attention, because it's a serious issue and I think that you could all benefit from the information."

  What followed was a slideshow presentation with a lot of statistics and facts I'm not sure anyone really paid any attention to, but my mind was still spinning with unanswered questions.

  The rest of the day was normal. After school, instead of trying to get Will to like something around my house, I took him to my parents' clearing. My mom had brought me up here through the years and told me how she and my dad would end up here and talk until they had to go home.

  "I can't believe all the dust. Keep your window up. I don't want any of it getting on the leather. Those little stones I hear hitting the underside of my car had better not be putting any dings in it," he complained.

  "Just pull between those two trees. It's the only place to park," I said.

  "I am not pulling in there. The branches will probably scratch my paint and then, with my luck, I'll probably get stuck in there and have to call for a tow truck."

  After he parked on the side of the road, I silently got out of the car, and led him to the clearing. Taking a deep breath, I let the quiet fill me.

  His voice cut into the stillness. "I still don't get why you'd rather be in a place like this instead of in the house doing something — anything — else."

  "Because this place means something to me and my mom. This is where she and my dad fell in love and spent a lot of time. There are a lot of good memories here, so please don't spoil them," I said before I could stop myself.

  His face became hard and I took several steps back in an effort to avoid whatever was coming. He followed me, and I wasn't surprised to feel the sting of his slap. I tasted blood inside of my mouth. The only reason I didn't fall to the ground was because of the painful grip he had on my arm.

  "You don't want me to spoil them for you? Then how about you just stay here and you can be alone with your memories," he spat out before walking away.

  I watched in stupefied silence while he climbed into his car and drove away. After he was out of sight, I walked to the edge of the road and looked to see if he had stopped somewhere, but he was nowhere to be seen. There was nothing else to do but start the walk home. I didn't know how long that would take, but I was pretty sure my mom wasn't going to be happy, and I wasn't disappointed.

  "Where have you been?" she asked angrily.

  "I took a walk and lost track of time," I responded weakly.

  "You took a walk. There isn't anywhere on this farm that is so far away that you shouldn't have been back some time ago. I'm not happy about this. The least you could have done was call," she finished.

  "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll call if it ever happens again."

  "Yes you will. What happened to your cheek? It looks scraped up."

  My hand flew to my cheek before she could get a better look at it. My mind worked faster than I knew it
could to find an explanation that she would believe. "A tree branch snapped back at me. I wasn't paying enough attention to what I was doing is all," I said, hoping that she would accept it.

  "Do you want me to look at it for you?"

  "No. I'll just make sure that I clean it up really good."

  I retreated to the bathroom to see what damage had been done and found that my explanation was plausible, but if my mom got pushy and insisted on inspecting… Well, I might have more explaining to do.

  The rest of the night was very quiet and I could tell Mom was still upset with me. I was glad she didn't know the whole truth or there would most certainly be a reckoning of grand proportions. At least my face was already looking better after I'd put a cold washcloth on it. I couldn't say the same about my arm.

  The following day, Tara drove me home because Will hadn't been in school, and I wasn't sure I would have gotten into his car with him anyway. That was the first day I paid any attention to our mini-seminar on dating violence. We watched a DVD of personal stories. It was hard to block them out the way I could a slideshow presentation.

  The first few stories were sad. One girl had been infatuated with a much older boy, who had controlled every aspect of her life right down to what she wore and ate. Another girl had come from an abusive home, so she hadn't really known anything else. Abusive behavior had been what she thought love was until someone had helped her.

  Both of them had been smacked around, but had been able to get out of their relationships eventually. They both, however, had gone back to the boys at least twice before finally cutting them loose completely.

  The third girl grabbed my attention. Her name was Mary, and she had big brown eyes and dark, curly hair. She was beautiful even with the long, thin scar that ran from her hairline on the left side of her forehead down to curve under her jaw. I listened to every word of her story.

  "I met Jordan when we were both seventeen and seniors in high school. He was so loving and romantic and I fell in love with him hard and fast. At first, when he would make decisions for me, I thought it was because he cared about me so much. I didn't see it for what it was — his need to control me. He would criticize my friends and tell me he was just looking out for me.

  "The first time he hit me, I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. Jordan apologized immediately and asked me to forgive him. I stupidly did, instead of breaking it off right then.

  "He physically, mentally, and emotionally beat me down until I had no friends. I didn't listen to my family or anyone else, who were trying to help me. Looking back, I can see what he did, but when I was in the middle of it, I only saw what he did as him expressing his love for me.

  "He was always very careful to not leave bruises where anyone but I could see. A sort of reminder to me how much he loved me. It was only after one fight that we had, he pulled out a knife and I thought that he was going to kill me.

  "I started begging him to put it down and apologizing to him for whatever I had said that had made him so angry. He was yelling at me and saying something about how he should just end this miserable life I was living because I wasn't listening to him.

  "I promised to listen to him from then on just to get him to stop. He started hitting me and kicking me until I was almost unconscious. I felt the cold tip of the knife on my face and then felt it move down to my jaw, leaving a path of burning fire.

  "After passing out, I woke up in the hospital. My mom had found me in my room and called the ambulance. The police got involved, and Jordan was arrested. I got a lot of intense counseling and was able to cut him out of my life. But it wasn't easy."

  As Mary disappeared from the screen, an epilogue took her place.

  Two months after this interview was taped, Mary was alone one night and let Jordan into her home. It isn't clear why she let him in, but she was found the next morning beaten and stabbed to death. Her ex-boyfriend was convicted and is currently serving a life sentence.

  I felt the cold start in my feet and slowly move up my body until I could barely breathe. I lurched to my feet and stumbled from the room as quickly as I could. Making it to the bathroom in time to throw up seemed an almost inhuman feat. I heard the door open and close, but I was too sick to care who it was.

  "Victoria? Are you okay?" Tara's voice came from the other side of the stall door.

  "Yeah, I'm fine," I said, flushing the toilet. I went to the sink to rinse my mouth out with water as she anxiously watched me. "I'm fine, really," I said, looking at her in the mirror. "I think I'm just coming down with something is all."

  "Are you sure?"

  I nodded.

  "Well, I brought your bag and I'll walk you to the nurse. You don't look very good," she said.

  "No, I'll make it there just fine, thanks."

  "I'll see you later. Call me if you go home."

  "I will."

  The nurse jumped to her feet when I entered her office. I must have looked worse than I thought, or maybe it was just a really slow day for her. She ushered me to a paper-covered bed and slapped a cold cloth on my forehead. I dutifully answered the questions she asked about how I was feeling.

  "Do you want your mom to come and get you? I don't think you look well enough to go back to class."

  I just nodded with my eyes closed, still afraid I would throw up again. The nurse was speaking into the phone and I assumed she was calling my mom. A little while later, I heard Mom come into the nurse's office and she spoke softly with the nurse. When she had finished, I heard her walk quietly over to where I was still lying down.

  "How are you feeling now, Victoria?" she asked.

  "A little better," I lied.

  "Well, let's get you home and then I'm sure that you'll feel a lot better once you can lie down somewhere slightly more comfortable."

  She carried my bag out to the car for me, and once we were on our way home, I did start to feel a little better. I was still really cold, though, like my blood would never get warm again.

  I crawled into my bed once we were at the cabin and pulled the covers up over my head. I couldn't get Mary's face out of my mind. I would have to be a complete idiot not to draw the obvious parallels between our lives. I wondered why she'd let her ex in that night. He must have been very convincing and she must have been drawn in by him, or else she'd just lost her mind.

  "Victoria, are you feeling better?"

  "Not really." My voice was muffled by the blankets.

  "I need to go back to work and finish a few things up. Do you think that you'll be okay?"

  "Yeah."

  "Call me if you need anything. And your grandma is down at the house — you can call her as well. I'll try and get home a little early tonight," she said.

  "Okay."

  I heard the front door shut as I continued to lie there entombed in my blankets. At some point I fell asleep, and although my dream was different this time, it was no less frightening. In fact, it was even more so.

  I was sitting on the couch in the cabin, staring into the fire that was burning brightly in the fireplace. I heard someone pull up out front, then a car door shut, and still I sat there. I didn't move until there was a knock on the door. I felt confused — I wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door and my heart started to beat a frantic rhythm when I saw the hooded figure. He pushed past me into the cabin, then spun to face me. I stood frozen in the doorway. He laughed a victorious, but evil-sounding laugh, then lunged at me. I was falling backward…

  Suddenly I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door of the cabin. My breathing was labored and I was sure anyone would be able to hear how hard my heart was beating inside of my chest.

  I crawled out from my cocoon and went to the door. I could see Will through the lace-curtained window. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and tried to form a smile on my cold lips.

  "Hey. Tara said that you weren't feeling well, so you came home. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, obviously irritated.

  "The only re
ason she knew was because she found me in the bathroom. The nurse called my mom and she came and got me."

  "Oh. Well, how are you feeling now?"

  "I'm feeling a little better. I took a nap and that seems to have helped," I said, then moved past him onto the porch. I sat down on the swing and he leaned back against the railing. I was surprised he hadn't come to sit next to me.

  "Good, I'm glad that you're feeling better. I wanted to… do you think that you'll be feeling better by Saturday?"

  "Yeah, it's only Wednesday and I'm sure that I'll be better by then. Why?"

  "My parents are having one of their very boring parties and I was hoping that you would like to come with me and keep me from falling asleep and ultimately embarrassing myself and them. Only if you want to, though," he added quickly.

  "Yeah, that would be fun. Do I have to dress up?" I cringed internally. I hated dressing up.

  "Not really dressy. It's going to be out on the back patio and in the gardens, so think more casual than dressy. Whatever you have will be great, so don't go out and buy anything." He smiled at me. "Well, maybe you should buy something. I've only ever seen you in jeans and that is definitely not okay."

  I frowned up at him from where I was sitting, even though I knew I had nothing appropriate to wear. I didn't need him pointing it out to me. "What time on Saturday?"

  "I'll come and get you around one o'clock. That way maybe we can get lost in the gardens before too many people arrive. I know a few secluded spots that I would love to show you," Will said.

  I nodded at him, even with Mary's story still repeating in my mind. I wasn't sure we belonged together anymore, but I wasn't sure that we didn't, either. The voice in the back of my head was saying one thing while my heart was saying another. Maybe Mary's and my lives weren't all that similar. After all, no two people were exactly the same and no two situations or relationships were, either.

  Chapter Eight