Bruises of the Heart Read online

  "Do you guys need anything?" Mom asked, startling me.

  "I think we're fine for now, Mrs. Williams, thanks," Noah answered smoothly.

  I sat up a little straighter on the couch and tried to pay attention to the basketball game Noah had found on the TV. I could almost feel the eyes boring into the back of my head. I knew my mom had been silently assessing our actions since we'd walked in the door and speculating about what had happened before we'd walked in.

  Wondering about which direction her thoughts were taking was enough to distract me. My heart returned to a normal rhythm, and Noah playing with my hair where it hung against my arm barely changed my controlled breathing.

  Around four o'clock, I walked Noah out onto the porch. After a thoroughly inadequate kiss, I whispered, "Goodbye," and watched him walk away until he was out of sight.

  ****

  "You and Noah seem to have picked up almost where you left off. How do you feel about all of this? Do you have any reservations?" my mom asked over dinner.

  "No, Mom, things are good. We had a long talk and worked it all out, so it's all okay. You don't have anything to worry about."

  "You looked really close when you came in this afternoon."

  "Yeah," I said, feeling uncomfortable, waiting for the axe to fall.

  "Is there anything that I should worry about there? Something that we should talk about?" she continued.

  "No, Mom, no. We don't need to talk about anything," I said firmly.

  "Just remember there are always consequences to your actions. And before you object to that, not all consequences are bad, but, well…"

  I nodded, knowing she was thinking about how I had made my entrance into the world. "There's nothing to worry about, Mom, really," I said, feeling embarrassed now and staring at my plate, pushing the food around.

  "I know this is embarrassing for you, but I just wanted to be sure that if you were going to advance your relationship that the two of you would think long and hard about it first, and then that you would remember to be careful."

  "Mom!"

  "I don't want the two of you to be limited in any way. You have your whole lives to do things and I don't want you to miss out on anything," she forged ahead.

  "Like you did."

  Mom waited until I looked up at her, and then she smiled. "There are things that I wish I had been able to do, but I also wouldn't change one thing about the last seventeen years. Well, maybe one thing. Having your father here to share it with would have been awesome."

  "Really, there is nothing to worry about. Trust me," I said.

  She laughed, and I didn't really understand why, but she had stopped trying to talk to me about sex, so I quickly moved on. Besides, she really didn't have anything to worry about. Noah had always been very adamant that we wait until we were absolutely sure we were going to be together forever, and even until we got married. It always made me feel like I was the one my mom should really worry about, because I couldn't seem to pull back, but Noah had always been able to. I guess his restraint was a good thing.

  I wanted to avoid anything else resembling that conversation, so I racked my brain, trying to think of something I could do to prevent a restart on the same subject from a different angle later. "I think I'll go down to the barn tonight," I suddenly blurted out.

  Mom looked a little surprised, but didn't push the issue. I thought I would be able to make a clean getaway, but I've never been that lucky. "Is Noah going to join you down there tonight?"

  "I doubt it. He doesn't even know I'm going. I just thought Grandpa might like to sleep in the house tonight."

  "He'll probably appreciate that. Tell him that I said hello," she said, still watching me closely.

  "I will."

  I breathed a deep sigh when I made it out onto the porch and then headed for the barn. I had told the truth about Noah not meeting me. He would probably call, then maybe stop by, but I didn't know that for sure, either.

  My grandpa looked up from his book, surprised, when I came up beside him. "What are you doing down here, Little Bits?"

  "I thought that I would stay here tonight. That way you could sleep in the house, And before you say it, I'll come and get you at the first sign that she might need a little help," I finished, smiling.

  "Well, that is very thoughtful of you. Thank you. Just remember that it needs to be quiet, and if she gets into trouble, come and get me." My grandfather smiled at me.

  "Good night, Grandpa."

  "Good night, Little Bits."

  I watched him leave the barn and found myself wondering where we would be if it hadn't been for my grandparents. I'd had a great life up until now, and I hoped it would continue. There was no reason it wouldn't if I kept doing things that were right for me first, and right for Noah and me second. At least for now, until maybe we started to make decisions together for a joint future.

  I smiled at the thought and went into the empty stall beside Lily's, where there was already a blanket laid out on the hay. I lied down facing Lily so I could see her through the bars and tried to relax into a light sleep. It might be a long night, so I thought a little nap couldn't hurt.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I woke up to someone stroking my hair. I assumed Noah had come down to spend some more time with me, but there was something wrong. I opened my eyes and looked through the bars at Lily and saw she was fine. It didn't even appear she was in labor at all.

  What was it that made my stomach knot and sent that feeling of dread creeping up my backbone, into my head? I took a deep breath and tried to banish the feeling before I turned my head to look at Noah. I didn't like to worry him with all of these leftover feelings, though he always knew no matter what I did to try and hide them.

  The smile froze on my face, then disappeared altogether when I encountered not the ice-blue eyes I had expected, but brown ones the color of chocolate.

  "What, aren't you happy to see me?" Will asked, still stroking my hair while squatting down beside me.

  I edged far enough away so he couldn't touch me and repressed the urge to shudder with revulsion and fear. "What are you doing here?" I asked in a flat voice.

  "I just thought I would visit my girlfriend. I haven't seen you in so long that I thought it was about time to pay a visit. Have you missed me?" he asked, smiling at me.

  "No, I haven't. I told you to stay away from me and I want you to leave right now. You aren't welcome here."

  "I'm not welcome here, but your little friend Noah is, isn't he?"

  I froze, not knowing what to do. How could he know Noah had been here? Was he just guessing? I tried not to react or give him any information he could use, but that was difficult. I was a little out of practice making my face go blank, but thankfully it seemed to be coming back to me rather quickly.

  "You see, I've been watching you," he said, standing up and pacing a little. "It's a good thing that I paid attention during all of those little walks you forced me to take on this stupid property. I found some nice little hiding places to watch from.

  "I must say that I'm very disappointed in you. I thought you were a faithful and loyal person, but your behavior over the last week has shown me you aren't. At first I wasn't sure what to do with you. I was really very angry and I almost came down here a few times, but luckily I was able to control myself until I could talk to you alone. I wasn't sure that was ever going to happen. These people never leave you alone," he said with a disgusted snort.

  "I thought you were on vacation," I mumbled.

  "No. My parents let me stay behind so I could spend more time with you."

  "I don't want anything to do with you," I said, scrambling to my feet.

  "I don't believe you. We have something special, Victoria, and I've decided to forgive you for cheating on me, but you're going to have to promise to never see those so-called friends of yours again. They aren't good for you, and I know what's best for you," he said, smiling and taking a few steps toward me.

  I backed up
until my shoulders touched the slats of the stall wall. I felt trapped, and fear was quickly wrapping its claws around my throat, choking off my ability to breathe. I searched around frantically, trying to find some way to escape this trap closing around me.

  "I'm not going to hurt you," Will said as he stopped in front of me.

  I shrank back when he raised his hand. He reached out and stroked my cheek like nothing had ever happened between the two of us. I wanted to throw up, but I managed to control my gag reflex — just barely.

  "I love you so much, Victoria," he said, then leaned down to give me a kiss.

  I turned my head and his wet mouth landed on my cheek instead. He grabbed my chin and forced my face back around so he could crush his mouth onto mine. He tried to force his tongue between my lips, but I kept them pressed together as tightly as I could. He growled and pressed his mouth even harder against mine. I tasted blood as my teeth cut the inside of my lips.

  "What is wrong with you?" he asked, taking me by the shoulders and shaking me. My head hit the wall. "Am I not good enough for you? I can't push you up against something and kiss you? Let me guess, you only let Noah grope you these days!"

  I could see the anger harden his face and the fire in his eyes. I was a little dizzy from the shaking I had received and struggled to clear my head. Unfortunately I didn't have enough time.

  "Answer me!" he yelled before slapping me hard across the face. "You need to listen to me very carefully. You aren't going to see that guy ever again, and if I have to deliver a little message to him, I will!" he said, slapping me again.

  My head was reeling and I couldn't get my eyes to focus. I tried to wrench my arm free from his hold, but he only held on tighter and backhanded me this time. I remembered something Tara had told me once and figured it was worth a try. I brought my knee up quickly between his legs, but missed my target. I must have landed close, though, because I was suddenly free and I stumbled out of the stall in to the center of the barn.

  I tripped over something and tried to get to my feet again. The fear was almost out of control and the icy fingers had closed my throat off. I couldn't scream, I could barely breathe, and I knew I was crying, which didn't help me to see the way out.

  My legs were suddenly trapped by a weight and I knew he had caught up with me. I spun over onto my back and tried to kick out at him. I heard him grunt, but that was all. He pinned me to the floor and punched me in the face. Stars appeared in front of me and I thought I would pass out.

  "I can't believe that you tried to knee me in the balls! Why would you do something like that?"

  I answered him by trying to scratch his eyes out, which earned me another punch. I was in so much pain I wanted to give myself over to it and fade into the beckoning blackness, but I didn't dare while he was still there. I was afraid he would try to make me his in every way he could think of, and I couldn't let that happen.

  He slowly got to his feet, but stayed bent over, and I tried to kick out at him again. "You just don't learn, do you?" he asked, punctuating his speech with a kick to my stomach. "You will learn to listen to me—" He kicked me again. "—or you—" he kicked, "—will very soon wish that you—" he kicked, "—were dead!" He kicked once more.

  I barely heard him anymore as he ranted on and on. Suddenly there was silence, and I hoped he had left.

  "Victoria, I'm sorry that you made me do this to you, but I had to do it. I'll see you again soon," he said in a hard and almost laughing voice.

  I hoped he had really gone, and I also hoped after I passed out no one would find me until I could get up and try to clean myself up a little. I could feel blood running out of my nose and dripping out the side of my mouth.

  I let myself slip into the blackness so I could escape the pain. I don't know how long I lied there unconscious on the barn floor, but I woke to someone saying my name and bright lights being shined in my eyes. I didn't recognize the voice and I couldn't focus my eyes.

  I heard someone crying, and I tried to hear what else was going on around me. I assumed I was still in the barn because I could still smell the hay and I thought I heard Lily's soft whicker from the stall.

  "Where is she? Is she okay?" I heard Noah yell.

  "The EMT said she's stable, but they'll know more once they get her to the hospital and take x-rays. I don't know how long she's been here. I feel awful." My mom's voice broke on the last word.

  I felt someone gently take my hand, and I tried to open my eyes to see who it was, but I couldn't. I settled for squeezing it back.

  "I'm right here, Tori, and I'm not going anywhere," Noah fervently whispered in my ear.

  "Okay, we're ready to move her. Let's go," I heard someone say.

  I was lifted from the ground onto something hard, then put on a stretcher and wheeled out to a waiting ambulance. I refused to let go of Noah's hand, which forced him to stay by my side. I was able to hold onto consciousness on the way to the hospital because Noah's hand was my connection.

  I had to let go when we arrived in the emergency room, and I could only imagine what that scene looked like since I still couldn't open my eyes. I answered the barrage of questions as best I could. Then I felt all of my clothes cut off and I was wheeled to x-ray.

  I woke up sometime later. I assumed I was in a room because all of the voices were gone. Only the soft beeping of some monitor was in the background. I tried to take a deep breath, then groaned when it felt like my ribs were being pulled apart.

  "Tori, it's okay. I'm right here. Are you in a lot of pain?" Noah asked, suddenly by my side and holding my hand again.

  "It hurts to breathe," I whispered back. "And talk."

  "Yeah, well you took quite a beating. You have three cracked ribs, both of your eyes are swollen shut, and your jaw is really bruised. Not to mention all of the other bruises that you have," Noah said with anger in his voice.

  "Don't do anything stupid."

  "I'll try not to. I have to go get your mom. She's down the hall in the waiting room with your grandparents."

  I held tighter to his hand, not wanting him to leave me.

  "I swear I'll be right back, Tori. You have nothing to worry about."

  "I'm scared, Noah."

  "I know, but he can't get to you here, and they wouldn't let me have my cell phone in here or I would just call her. I have to go and get her, okay?"

  I nodded my head, which set it to spinning, so I tried to lie as still as possible. The longer I was alone, the more I was able to think. Could I have been any more stupid? Everyone had told me over and over again it wasn't safe for me to be alone in the barn, but I just hadn't listened.

  "Victoria? How are you feeling, honey?" My mom's voice was full of concern as I felt her take my hand.

  "I hurt."

  I heard her sniff. "The police were here earlier, but you were still sleeping. They said they would be back later today."

  Later today? "How long have I been unconscious?"

  "It's Friday morning, Tori. Your grandpa found you in the barn around four o'clock when he came in to check on you and Lily," Noah said softly.

  I tried to force my eyes open so I could see their faces, but I couldn't. I was starting to feel frustrated and I could hear them whispering, which only added to my frustration. "Stop whispering. Just say what you want so I can hear it. I can't see anything, which is bad enough, but then you're whispering right in front of me," I said, letting my frustration show in my voice.

  "We're sorry, honey, we won't do it again. I was just wondering if you should have some more pain medication now," Mom said.

  "Tori, sweetie," Noah said, taking my hand, "calm down. It's going to be okay, but I think that your mom is right. I think that you should take some more medication."

  "I'm going to go get the nurse." Mom said. "They wanted to know when you woke up, anyway. We'll wait and see what she has to say, okay?"

  "Okay," I whispered.

  I heard the scrape of a chair and assumed Noah was sitting down next to
my bed. He used both of his hands to hold my one, then kissed it and leaned his forehead on it. I knew he must be feeling horrible, but I couldn't figure out why.

  "Well, I see that our patient is finally awake. How are you feeling, other than the obvious feeling of being hit by a truck?" the nurse asked.

  I tried not to laugh because I knew it would hurt really badly, but a strangled chuckle did escape, quickly followed by a groan.

  "That good, huh? I'll try to curb my comedic streak for a while. All of your vitals look good. How's the pain on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst? And don't even think about lying. I'll be able to tell."

  "I think about an eight," I whispered.

  "Which really means about a ten plus. You're getting more pain meds and there's nothing that you can say that is going to stop me from giving them to you. I'll be right back." I heard the nurse leave the room.

  "Well, she's capable. Now Victoria, I know that you might not want to take these, but you don't have a choice. You need to rest to heal and that is what we all care about right now," Mom said, sounding very maternal.

  "All right, Victoria, here we go. This is going to take effect rather quickly, so if you have anything else that you would like to say, I'd say it fast."

  I almost instantly started to feel sleepy and I gripped Noah's hand even tighter. He squeezed mine back.

  "I'm not going anywhere, Tori. I'll be right here when you wake up again. I promise," he said, then kissed me gently on the forehead.

  "Honey, just let the medicine do its job. Don't fight it."

  "I love you," I whispered.

  "I love you too, honey. Now get some sleep," my mom said.

  I was frustrated because I'd meant that for Noah, and now he wouldn't know. I could feel the drugs creeping over me and relaxing me into sleep. Speech was beyond me at the moment, so I stopped fighting it and let sleep engulf me. There would be time later.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The next time I woke up, I was confused for a brief moment. Then I gasped as a wave of pain swept over me. It felt like a horse had done a tap dance on my body.