Bruises of the Heart Read online

  "What are you doing calling me?"

  "Since I know you didn't mean what you said this morning, I've decided to let you apologize for doubting me, but only if you agree not to talk to those friends of yours again. They aren't good for you, Victoria, and in time you'll see that I'm right," Will said rather calmly.

  I was suddenly seething inside. Usually I would be agreeing with him to avoid any kind of argument, because disagreeing with him usually led to some kind of bruise for me. Strangely enough, this time I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought and it didn't worry me at all.

  "I'm not going to be apologizing. I meant every word that I said this morning and I would appreciate you not calling me anymore," I said with a steady voice.

  "Are you actually serious? But no one will ever love you like I do, and you have to believe that," he said emphatically, but I could still hear the anger.

  "Yes, I'm serious. Don't call me, don't talk to me, and don't come near me again. Goodbye," I said, hanging up the phone on what I was sure was going to be an angry tirade.

  I took a deep breath and felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I reveled in the feeling and the freedom it brought. The fear and uncertainty that had been my constant companions for the last several months were, for the most part, gone.

  I sat back down on the couch next to Tara. "So," she said, stretching the word out. "What did he have to say? What's going on? Spill!" Tara said with her eyes dancing.

  I told Tara everything he'd told me, and she was appropriately outraged in all the right parts and was very happy with how I had stood up to Will. It felt like old times, sitting there talking with one another. I had missed her.

  My mom came home. I unlocked the door when I heard her truck pull up out front. Tara was packing her things up to go home.

  "Well hello, girls. Leaving so soon, Tara? I'm not driving you out, I hope," my mom said.

  "No, Mrs. Williams, it's time for me to go. I'll see you tomorrow, Victoria. Bye, Mrs. Williams." She waved on her way out of the door.

  I waved and smiled at her as she pulled away, then went back into the house, closing and locking the door as I did so. I turned around to see my mom looking at me strangely, but she didn't say anything, to my great relief. I gathered all my school stuff up and took it to my room. I looked at my cell phone sitting on my bedside table where it had been for the past few days. I contemplated turning it back on, but decided not to.

  After dinner, which was relaxed and normal-feeling, I walked down to the barn. I told myself it was to check on Lily, but I was also hoping Noah would show up.

  I wasn't disappointed. I was still scratching Lily's ears when I heard sure footfalls behind me, and then a soft whicker from Lily.

  "I thought that you might come down here tonight." His soft voice sent my heart skittering. "How're you doing?"

  "I'm good," I said. "Will called the cabin this afternoon and he thought that he had the right to tell me what to do. I told him that he didn't, and he was not very happy about that." I turned to climb up to the loft.

  "Have you told your mom yet?" he asked, climbing up behind me.

  "No, not yet. I'm just nervous, and I don't want her to be disappointed in me," I muttered, sitting down on the hay-strewn floor.

  "You have to tell her, Tori," he said, sitting down next to me. "She has a right to know, and if he's not going to leave you alone — which he probably won't — your mom deserves to know that, too."

  "You're right, I know you're right. I'm just so scared," I admitted.

  "C'mon. I'll go with you, then it will all be over and you can relax," he said, standing up. He pulled me up after himself and toward the ladder.

  We walked silently back to the cabin, and it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it should. My mom was in her favorite place — the porch swing — reading a book, and she looked up with a smile on her face. The smile slowly faded, then she got a speculative look on her face.

  Noah nudged me and I flashed him an annoyed look before taking a deep breath. "I have to… I have to tell you something," I said.

  "Oh my goodness, you're pregnant, aren't you?" she cried.

  "No! No, I'm not… definitely not!"

  "Oh, sorry… I'm sorry," she apologized while stumbling over her words. "It's just the two of you standing there, looking so serious… well, I had a flashback. Sorry, go on."

  I cleared my throat. "Well, I needed to tell you that I broke up with Will."

  "And you needed Noah with you to tell me? I think I'm missing something here."

  "Well, the reason I broke up with him was because…"

  "Because, why?" she prompted.

  I stared at my feet, too embarrassed to go on. I felt Noah put his arm around me, then he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "It's okay. Tori, none of this is your fault, and there is no reason to feel scared or guilty about what happened to you," he said encouragingly, even though it didn't make me feel a whole lot better.

  "Will wasn't very nice all the time to me and it was time to end things."

  "What do you mean by he 'wasn't very nice to you'? Did the two of you argue a lot, or did he call you names? I'm just trying to understand," she said, clearly confused.

  "He…"

  "He hit her. At least once that I know about. He also would squeeze her arm so hard that it left bruises," Noah cut in.

  "Oh my goodness," she whispered and visibly paled.

  "It's okay, Mom. I'm all right and it's over now," I said, going to sit next to her on the porch swing.

  "I can't believe this. I knew there was something that you were trying to figure out and that you weren't as happy these past few months, but I never imagined that you were being abused." Her voice cracked on the last word.

  I looked up at Noah and saw his jaw clenched and his arms folded tightly across his chest. He clearly didn't like to think about any of this any more than my mom and I did.

  "Are you sure that you're okay?" she asked, grabbing me by the arms and looking me over from head to toe.

  I nodded.

  "And you're sure that it's over?"

  I hesitated and looked at Noah. I didn't want to tell her everything else, but I knew she had a right to know everything we did. He nodded to answer my unvoiced question, then took a deep breath. He went on to relate everything we had learned, and the whole time I saw her struggle to accept everything she was being told. I could also see the wheels spinning in her mind. She was already making plans.

  "I'm so sorry for everything," I blurted out.

  "Oh, honey, there is absolutely nothing that you have to be sorry about. We do, however, need to call the police. We need to make a report so that there is a paper trail should anything else happen. I hope that this is over, but if it isn't…" She left the rest unsaid.

  I was already shaking my head, which earned me almost identical looks from both of them. I might have laughed if it wasn't such a serious situation.

  "Tori," Noah almost growled. "You know that I'm not sure that this is over and I think your mom is right. There needs to be some kind of record about all of this."

  "I don't want everyone to know. It's embarrassing enough just knowing that I was stupid enough to get involved with him and then stay with him, even though the voice in the back of my head was screaming at me the whole time to get away. If I press charges, then everyone will know." I was getting upset.

  "I didn't say anything about pressing charges. As much as I would like to see the little jerk in jail, I don't think that anyone is going to be able to put him there. They would probably need evidence, which I'm not sure we have. But you need to make a report so that it's on file, just in case. And how long have you known about all of this, Noah?" Mom asked, piercing him with her eyes.

  "I've only known since Saturday, and I've been telling her that she needed to tell you, but she wouldn't until she had a plan," Noah rushed out.

  "Traitor," I mumbled.

  "No, you should have told me and you know it. All
right, well, how are you going to stay safe in school? I'm assuming that he is still there and that he will be able to interact with you daily. I'll call the school in the morning and make sure that he won't be able to hurt you anymore while he's there."

  "Mom," I whined. "You can't do that or everyone will know. Tara is with me in every class and she picks me up in the morning and drops me off after school. He isn't going to do anything at school because there are too many people, and Tara said that she would stay with me after school until you get home. So nothing is going to happen to me."

  Mom sat and stared at me for a minute before looking at Noah. I was certain she was trying to work something out in her mind that wouldn't expose me to a bunch of gossip, since she knew what it was like being the topic of every conversation in town. But she would want to keep me safe at the same time.

  "Okay, I won't call the school yet. But you have to make a few concessions as well. It's all right for Tara to pick you up and drop you back off as long as Noah is there in the morning to walk you girls into the school, and in the afternoon she has to take you to your grandparents' house. I won't bend on that one, so you might as well just accept it. And before you ask and start to complain, I am going to tell your grandparents about this. They need to know, and they won't tell anyone," Mom said, looking her most determined.

  "Fine, but if nothing happens after a few weeks, can I come back here after school? He'll give up after that much time, don't you think?"

  "I don't know, and let's just see how the next few weeks go. Okay?"

  "Okay."

  "Noah, are you okay with looking out for them in the morning and afternoon?"

  "Yeah, I'm good."

  "Good. Well, then, if you wouldn't mind hanging around a little while, I would like to go down to the house and tell your grandparents what's going on."

  "I wouldn't mind at all," Noah said, smiling widely.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mom went down the steps, then disappeared into the trees and the encroaching darkness. I remained seated on the swing and Noah came over to sit next to me. He put his arm along the back of the swing, and it was so warm I ended up leaning into his side. He let his arm drop down to gently rub his hand along mine.

  "I'm sorry that all of this happened to you, Tori. I feel like I should have seen something and been able to stop it, but I was so caught up in my own jealous feelings about you dating him that I couldn't get past them to look deeper."

  "You were jealous? But you broke up with me because you thought that we should see other people."

  "Yeah, I knew about an hour after I had broken up with you that it was the dumbest thing I had ever done. It just took me a while before I could actually admit it to myself. And then it took a little longer for me to be able to identify what I was still feeling for you.

  "I didn't want to love you anymore because I was afraid that it would hurt too much in the end if you were really, truly happy with him, but by then I was also watching the two of you really closely, and I didn't like what I was seeing. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but there was something that just wasn't quite right. I guess I was closer to the truth than I ever thought," he said with a harsh laugh.

  "It's not your fault, Noah. I'm a big girl and I allowed myself to be put down. I didn't get out after the first time like I knew I should have. I just reasoned everything away with one excuse after another," I said, dejected.

  "Well, it isn't your fault, either."

  We sat in silence for a while, listening to the night sounds around us and the soft squeaking of the swing.

  "Where do we go from here, Tori?"

  "I don't know, Noah. It would be nice to just pick back up where we left off, but I don't think that's possible. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have feelings for you, but with everything that's happened, I'm not sure that I can trust my feelings anymore." I grimaced.

  "I can understand that, but I have to tell you that I'm not going to give up. I won't bug you or pester you about it, but I'll be here waiting when you're ready," he said, looking down at me lovingly.

  "Thanks for the warning."

  "Anytime," he said, smiling his cocky smile.

  I heard a rustle through the leaves, then a stick snapped under a foot and I tensed for a moment before my mom came into view. I watched her approach the cabin, then climb the steps and look at us. I could only imagine what went through her mind when she saw us sitting there together. "Well, your grandparents know, and I can tell you that they are not pleased with Will. Your grandfather was all for going and finding him somewhere alone to see how he would like a few hits. Reminded me a lot of your dad when he said that. I have no doubt Cole would have seconded that idea very quickly," she said, smiling at the memory of my dad.

  "I'm gonna get going now. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Tori. Good night, Mrs. Williams," Noah said.

  "Good night, Noah, but you won't see her in the morning. I'm going to take her to the police station to file a report first thing, then I'll drop her off at school after we're done," she told him.

  "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

  "Bye," I said, then watched him walk off the porch and disappear into the trees.

  "Let's go inside. I have a few more questions, and I think that now is as good a time as any to get them answered."

  I reluctantly got up, followed her into the cabin, and locked the door behind me. I slumped onto the couch and waited for the questions to start, hoping she wasn't even more upset with me.

  "Victoria, you don't have to look like this is an interrogation," she said, sitting on the couch.

  "I know, but I just don't want to disappoint you any more than I already have," I said, staring at my hands.

  "You haven't ever disappointed me. I think that you are really very courageous to get yourself out of this kind of situation. It couldn't have been easy to do," she said.

  "Well, I had help. Tara and Noah were very insistent that I break things off with him once they saw my bruises. I think that Noah is upset because he thinks it's his fault."

  "Why would it be Noah's fault?"

  "Because he broke up with me. I took that really hard, and when I met Will, I was still really very low and I wasn't over Noah. But Will was nice. He made me smile and he paid attention to me. At first that was great, and the first signs were so small that I easily ignored them because I didn't want someone else to leave me. It was all just really pathetic now that I think about it, but in the moment…" I left my explanation unfinished.

  "I feel like I should have noticed something, but you are so good at making everything appear okay. I guess I should have paid more attention and demanded that you tell me exactly what was bothering you so that I could have helped you."

  "It wouldn't have made a difference. I've told the same thing to Tara and Noah. I wouldn't have listened to anything, and I wouldn't have told you everything — just enough to make you feel better. He's very good at making me feel like it was my fault when he lost his temper, and even though I knew that wasn't true, I did agree with him to placate him so he wouldn't hurt me again."

  "It's going to take me a little time to understand all of this, but I'm going to try, and I think that you and I should maybe spend some time with a therapist as well. I don't know if I'm capable of helping you through all of the emotions that you're going to go through." She reached out to take my hand.

  "I don't think I need a therapist right now. Just knowing that I'm not hiding this big secret anymore is a huge relief."

  "Well, if you ever think that you need one, let me know and we'll find you someone."

  "Okay."

  "Now, I have one more question, and possibly a small request to make."

  I nodded.

  "What is going on with you and Noah? I know that it might not be any of my business, but after everything that I've learned tonight, I think that I deserve to know at least some of the details."

  "Well, nothing is really going on. He told me that he s
till loves me and that he knows it was a mistake to break up with me. I told him that I wasn't ready to jump back into any relationship yet. He understands that, but wants to be there as a friend for me. Then when I'm ready — if I'm ever ready — he'll be there," I said, smiling.

  "The two of you have something really special, you know. It reminds me of Cole and me. I was just as surprised — maybe more so — when he broke things off. I had seen the two of you together and actually grow together. It was nice to see. Can I ask you just one more thing?"

  "Umm, yeah," I said, still reeling from everything she had just said.

  "Has he told you why he really broke it off?"

  I shook my head.

  "Before you decide anything, I think that in order for you to really forget and forgive, he's going to have to tell you why. I know that it's just your mom telling you this and it probably doesn't seem like a big thing right now, but it might be something that comes back to haunt you later. I don't want you to have to deal with that after you patch things back up with him."

  I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded, then said goodnight. After I got into bed, the weight of everything that had happened that day dragged me down, but I refused to cry. After a while, I was able to relax enough to sleep.

  My dreams, however, didn't let me rest for long. At first they were a confused mixture of people I knew, memories of the past year and the summer before — a time before Will had entered my life, before I'd started lying to myself about my feelings, before I'd disappointed everyone I knew, before I'd become an abused person… a victim. Then my dreams changed, focusing on the one scene that had been repeating.

  I was back in the hallway, trying to get to Noah, to the light, but this time the darkness stepped up beside Noah and I stopped in mid-stride. I saw the dark figure smile widely as he grabbed Noah by the throat. I watched, helpless, as Noah was pulled down and disappeared from sight.

  I woke in mid-scream, trying to get my bearings in my half-awake state. My door banged open as my mom came rushing into the room. "Are you okay, Victoria?" she asked, anxiously grabbing my hands.