Bruises of the Heart Page 10

  "You make it sound so easy," I whispered.

  "It will be okay, Victoria, you'll see," Tara said.

  Noah gave me a hug and whispered for only me to hear, "I'll be back at the barn around seven tonight if you want to talk some more. If you don't come down, it's okay. I'll see you later."

  I pulled away reluctantly and grabbed Tara's arm, and we started back to the cabin. For her part, Tara kept quiet, for which I was immensely grateful. The feelings and thoughts flying through me were hard enough to deal with at the moment. I wasn't sure I could deal with Tara's style of interrogation as well.

  "Hey, girls," my mom greeted us as we came in by the back door. "I wondered where the two of you were when I saw Tara's car."

  "Oh, yeah. She came over to talk and then we went for a walk."

  "Ah," she responded, staring at my face. "Will was here when I got back. He asked me to please have you call him."

  I willed my face not to reveal anything. "Oh, I guess I'll have to call him later, then." I started toward my room with Tara.

  "Victoria?"

  I turned to face my mom.

  "Do yourself a favor. Stop thinking so much. Just listen to yourself and make the decision that you feel the most at peace with. It's not fair to either of you to drag it out, and talking to him might make the decision easier. Just a thought." She smiled.

  I nodded, then closed the door to my room. I walked to my bed and flopped facedown on it. Tara lounged on the other end, propped up against the wall, and crossed her ankles.

  "What am I going to do?" I groaned.

  "Do you want me to tell you the obvious, or just let you wallow around for a while?" Tara wryly answered.

  I gave her a disgusted look before rolling over and sitting up to lean against my headboard. "I meant, how do I manage to do everything without the entire town finding out what an idiot I've been?"

  "Have you forgotten that we live in the smallest town on the planet? I don't think it's going to matter how you do anything. Everyone will find out some of what's going on. Maybe not everything, but once people find out that you broke up with Will, they're going to ask questions. And when they find out that you and Noah are back together — what?"

  I was shaking my head. "We're not back together. He's been watching out for me is all, and after getting into things with Will yesterday…" I left the rest unsaid.

  "If you think that's all he's doing, then you are crazy. He totally wants you back." Tara smirked.

  "No. I mean, maybe. Oh, I don't know what to think. I trusted myself when I started dating Will and now look at the mess I'm in. There's obviously something wrong with my judgment. I'm not sure that now would be the right time to jump back into a relationship with Noah, even if he did tell me he still loves me."

  "He said that he still loves you!" Tara said, sitting up straight on my bed. "Oh my goodness!" She took a moment to let that tidbit sink in. "I think you're right about not jumping back in, though. Now, what are you going tell Will? And when are you going to do it?" Tara asked.

  "I don't know. I have to do it soon, like before school starts tomorrow. But I'm scared," I admitted out loud.

  "Me too, but probably not like you. I don't think that you should be alone when you break it off. And yes, before you ask, I think you need to do it in person." Tara grimaced.

  "I was afraid of that. He probably won't listen to anything I have to say on the phone. Where should I do it, then?"

  "School. There would be a lot of witnesses if he tried to do something, and then I'll be next to you all day. Nothing will happen, anyway. I think he would have to be crazy to do anything, especially since he's already been suspected in another violent crime," Tara supplied.

  "School? Didn't I just say that I didn't want the whole school knowing everything?"

  "All they will be interested in is the why, and I can spread something juicy that everyone will believe, and they won't look any further. And I agree with Noah. You need to tell your mom really soon," she rushed out.

  "I know, but I don't want to disappoint her and she's going to worry. I just hate to put her through all this."

  "It sounds like you think this is your fault when it isn't. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the idiot who can't control his emotions," Tara forcefully said.

  "I know, but it's hard remembering that from where I'm sitting," I said, feeling more and more depressed. "I still can't believe that I let all of this happen. I must have some serious issues even I'm not aware of."

  "Well, I wish there was something more I could say, but I'm not sure there is. Except that I don't think you have issues. I think you were vulnerable, and Will saw you as someone who's weak when you clearly aren't. He thought he could treat you like he has others, not realizing that you're nothing like them. I have to get going now. I have a few phone calls to make to set up your breakup. Don't worry, I won't make it too bad. Just interesting enough to catch some attention." She patted me on the knee as she slid off the bed.

  I walked her out to her car, then sat on the porch swing for a while, letting my mind wander until I heard the door open as my mom came out to join me. "Dinner is almost ready."

  I nodded and she looked at me, then leaned against the railing and looked out over the land surrounding the cabin.

  "I get the feeling that you aren't telling me something, Victoria. I didn't think you were that into Will, but the way you're agonizing over all of this makes me think there is more to it than a simple disagreement with him. I wish that you would tell me, but I know you. You probably want to have it all figured out before you say anything, and I'll respect that. Just don't shut me out, Victoria. I will help you with this as much as you'll let me."

  I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be when she'd started talking, but she was right. She knew me better than anyone else. Maybe I should tell her everything, but I kept my mouth shut. I just couldn't dump all of this on her right now.

  "I'm not really hungry, Mom. I think I'm going to go back down to the barn for a while. I won't be late coming back and I'll tell you everything as soon as I can. I promise," I managed to get out around the lump in my throat.

  Mom stayed where she was as I got up, made my way down the stairs, and walked through the trees toward the barn. I visited Lily for a few moments, then climbed up the ladder to the hayloft. I went to the same place I had been that morning and sat down, drawing my knees up to my chest.

  I heard a low, murmuring voice, and then Lily snorted. I wasn't surprised to see Noah's face appear above the loft floor. "I wasn't sure that you'd come." He smiled.

  "I couldn't stay in the house with my mom. She knows that I'm not telling her something and it makes me feel so guilty keeping it from her. Tara told me that I should break up with him at school. That way there are witnesses and he won't do anything. This sucks! Why is this so hard?"

  Noah pulled me up against his chest and held onto me. It was so comforting, but I knew I had to say something about all of this before he got the wrong idea. "Noah, I have to tell you something, and I'm not sure that you're going to like it," I said into his chest.

  "It's okay. You can tell me anything," he said, rubbing my back.

  "Once all of this mess is over tomorrow, I'm not going to be ready to date anyone."

  "Tori, I'm not expecting us to pick back up where we were before, but I'm not interested in dating anyone else, either. I just want to be your friend, and when you're ready to make it something more, then I'll be here." He spoke tenderly.

  "Thanks for being my friend. I have a feeling that I'm going to need that more than anything else for a while."

  "Anything for you, Tori."

  Chapter Twelve

  I barely slept that night, and I was so nervous I couldn't eat anything for breakfast. Add all of that to the concerned looks I kept getting from my mom and I was about to snap like a rubber band stretched too tight. It was almost a relief to be able to get into Tara's car and head to school. My stomach was tied in knots and I fe
lt like I was on the verge of tears.

  "I made some phone calls last night. I told everyone that things weren't going well and that you were probably going to end it soon," Tara volunteered after a few minutes.

  "Did anyone want details?" I asked.

  "They all did. I told them that you were feeling very stifled and that you needed time to just get your feelings sorted out."

  "Nice. Just enough truth to make it all believable. I hope nothing happens, but if it does, you need to promise me that you won't get in the middle of it. I don't want you to get hurt," I said, staring out the window.

  "Victoria, nothing is going to happen, and if it does, do you honestly think that I would leave you alone to handle it all? I'm the youngest of four and the only girl. I've learned a thing or two over the years from my brothers. I'm not the one you should worry about."

  I flashed a brief smile, then realized we were pulling into the student lot. I began scanning the cars, hoping I wouldn't see the shiny black one, but there it was on the far side of the lot. Will was leaning against the side, looking very dark and foreboding.

  My vision of him was obscured as Tara pulled into a space beside what I quickly realized was Noah's truck. He got out as we came to a stop and opened my door. I hesitated for only a moment before getting out and allowing him to squeeze my hand. Tara came around to join us and gave me a sympathetic grin.

  "Are you okay? Do you want me to walk over there with you?" she asked.

  "No, stay here. If you come, he might not take me seriously. I feel like I'm going to throw up." I groaned.

  "It's going to be okay, Tori. We're right here and we aren't going anywhere unless you're with us," Noah said, giving my hand another squeeze.

  "Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

  Taking that first step toward Will was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I wanted to turn around and run the other way for as long as I could, but I forced myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  Will straightened up when I came closer, then he smiled and stretched his hand to take mine, but I stopped just out of reach and he let it drop. I saw a hardness enter his eyes and I dropped my gaze to the ground.

  "We need to talk," I began.

  "I know. I'm so sorry about Saturday. It's just that I was so on edge because of my dad and I took it out on you. I really am sorry. Didn't you get any of my messages?" he asked, his jaw clenching.

  "I listened to some of them. My phone has actually been off since Saturday night. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about." He took a step toward me, but I didn't really see him. I was too busy trying to get up the courage to say what I needed to say.

  "You can tell me anything, Victoria. You should know that," he said, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

  I flinched away from him, then looked into his face. "I… I can't see you anymore," I managed to get out in a strangled voice.

  "Excuse me?" he said, grabbing me by the chin. "Is this your idea, or someone else's?" He looked over my shoulder.

  "Mine. You're not… nice to me, and I'm tired of being the one you take your frustrations out on," I said with more conviction than I was feeling.

  "I don't think this is what you want," he said, moving his hand from my chin back along my jaw in a caressing sweep. "I think those so-called friends talked you into this. And I've told you before how I feel about you listening to them and hanging out with some of those people. You know how much I love you, and that no one would ever love you like I do." He grabbed me by the back of my neck in a painful grip.

  "You're hurting me," I confessed, even though I wanted to be strong.

  "I know, and I'm sorry about that, but you're hurting me right now. I told you that I would never let you go. You should think about that before you do something stupid that you'll regret," he said, sounding angrier with every word he spoke.

  "Please let go," I said, getting scared and trying to turn my head to see who was close.

  "This isn't over. We'll talk again soon, Victoria. You're mine, no one else's," he said through clenched teeth before pushing me away from him. Will got into his car and, with tires squealing, sped out of the parking lot, gaining a lot of stares on his way.

  It was only a moment before Tara and Noah stood next to me. They wore identical expressions of concern and anxiety, and I was shaking.

  "C'mon. Let's go before we're late," Noah said, pulling me toward school. "I guess he didn't take it very well if he left like he did."

  "No, he didn't," I said. Then I told them both what Will had said. "I don't think he considers this a breakup. He said we'd talk again later. What am I going to do now?"

  "He'll figure it out when you don't call or acknowledge him, and if he doesn't, then maybe I'll have a talk with him," Noah said in a hard voice.

  "He's never going to let me go, is he?" I asked, heading toward all-out panic.

  Noah pulled me into a space between the row of lockers and Tara blocked us from the view of those hurrying past. "Tori, you need to calm down. He isn't going to come back today. I told you last night that I'm here for as long as you want me around, in whatever capacity you need or want. Now take a deep breath and go to class with Tara. One or both of us will be with you all day, so there is no reason to be scared or nervous. Tara will drive you home after school and stay until your mom comes home. It's no big deal," Noah confidently informed me.

  "Easy for you to say," I grumbled and stepped out into the hallway.

  "Yeah, it is, but now you're getting mad and you forgot to be afraid, so I accomplished my mission," he said, giving me a heart-stopping smile. Then he was swallowed up by the crowd in the hall making their way to first period classes.

  I followed Tara down the hallway and into our first class. I slid into my desk and kept my focus on the top of it. My mind felt frozen, but oddly aware of everything around me. I knew some conversations had immediately dropped to lower levels when I 'd walked in the room.

  I could tell Tara was listening to everything she could, mostly because she wasn't talking. I knew she wanted to know how well her pre-placed gossip had worked. I was also quite sure she would tell me everything at the earliest opportunity.

  I was too nervous to pay attention to whatever it was Mr. Holmes was talking about. I began wondering what Will was doing and why he had left. It was probably foolish to try and figure him out after not being able to for the last several months, but I couldn't help myself.

  The bell rang, and with great relief I got up and went with Tara to our next class. I was anxious until we entered the room and I saw Noah sitting there, watching the door. His smile was one of relief and happiness to see me. I felt my mouth respond automatically and I didn't waste time trying to figure out why. I still couldn't pay attention to what was going on in class, but it was nice not to worry about what I was feeling for Noah.

  I began to relax a little as the day went on, and by the end of the day I was feeling much more at ease. Noah met Tara and I at our lockers and we all walked out to the student lot together, my eyes automatically scanning the cars.

  "He isn't here, so you girls should be okay to go home," Noah said. Apparently, I wasn't the only one looking the parking lot over.

  I silently got into Tara's car, then Noah knocked on the widow. I rolled it down to hear what he had to say. "Call me later. In fact, call me when you get home so I know you got there okay."

  "I will," I replied.

  Tara pulled out of the lot and started on her way to my house. I couldn't help but look out the back to see if there was a shiny black car there.

  "Relax. He isn't going to do anything where there might be a witness. And I can also tell you that by the way Noah was acting before we left, he was resisting the urge to follow us the whole way to the cabin," Tara smugly told me.

  "What are you talking about? All of this is his plan. Why would he want to follow me home?" I wondered.

  "I don't know. Why did I have to hold him back
this morning when Will grabbed you by the neck?" she asked dryly.

  "You what…?" I asked, surprised.

  "I haven't told you anything all day because you were so relaxed and happy-looking. I didn't want to stress you out again. Not that it's anything bad, but I didn't want to risk it," she said. "It's been a while since I've seen a genuine smile. I'm sorry I didn't notice anything earlier. Maybe you wouldn't have gone through all of this if I had."

  "I'm not sure I would have listened to anything you had to say. I excused everything he did as not his fault. I blamed his father and even myself for saying the wrong thing or looking at the wrong person. Pathetic, I know." I grimaced out the window.

  "Not pathetic. You were vulnerable, and we were all taken in by him. And why wouldn't we be? He was the most interesting thing that was happening in Centerville at the time."

  We pulled to a stop in front of the cabin and I got out, looking around. I unlocked the door, then relocked it once we were both inside and went to check the back door as well. Then I called Noah.

  Tara and I sat down on the couch, pulled books out of our bags, and did our homework together. It was a good thing, too, because I hadn't been aware enough to write down my assignment or pay attention in class when everything had been explained.

  I felt happy and more at ease than I had in months, but I was hesitant to accept it all. I was afraid it was all a house of cards — one wrong move and it would fall down around me.

  The house phone rang and, without thinking about it, I got up and went to answer it. "Hello?"

  "Hello, Victoria," a subdued voice replied.

  I felt my stomach instantly knot up and the blood drain from my face. Tara's smile left her face when she saw mine. She mouthed the name Will, and I nodded my head.

  "What? Aren't you going to greet your boyfriend? I left you alone all day so that you could get your head on straight." His voice sounded cheerful, but with a hard edge.